


Another Love

by TeddyRegulus



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Death, F/M, M/M, follow the canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-07
Updated: 2019-08-07
Packaged: 2020-08-11 11:14:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,048
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20152687
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TeddyRegulus/pseuds/TeddyRegulus
Summary: Remus can't stop walking, because his life is a fucking tragedy.





	Another Love

It sounds like poetry, but not the epic genre or soft lyrism, no, Remus, it’s a fucking tragedy. 

It’s a tragedy because he’s walking under the heavy rain that doesn’t want to stop, and he is alone. But despite this loneliness, the rain’s ascent reminds him of Sirius and his wet dog’s smell. 

But Sirius is a traitor, he has been told. 

So the souvenirs of his passionate kisses, of his hand holding his and his body sleeping next to his, all turn into bitterness and Remus starts to feel his bile on his throat, he wants to throw up, but what’s the matter anyway?

Remus doesn’t know what to do.

So he walks.

The passer-by look at him, him and his damn damaged, soaked, soiled clothes, by who - he doesn’t know -. Some of his hair fall under his eyes and it brings him back to James and his too-big glasses, but now, all he can see when he hears this name is his too pale body, too freaking pale and lifeless - and yet it’s too painful -. 

Lily. James. Peter. Sirius. Marlene. Dorcas.

All these names, he repeats them over and over, like a piece of music he can’t get out of his head, and fuck, shit, he can’t take it anymore. 

Yet, he still walks. 

He thinks back of McGonagall’s pitiful look. She was like a mother for them all, but shit, her glance full of tears, it was too much for him, but Remus still didn’t say anything, because Remus only knows how to be quiet. 

Even when he broke up with Sirius and he begged him to stay - fuck, what a hypocrite - Remus still said nothing and he left. Even after each full moons - fuck, now, he will be alone - and with other new scars, even there, he said nothing. 

Even if he wanted, he has nobody to talk to.

Words sound like poetry.

But it’s there that Remus is lost, he has no Peter to comfort, no Lily to study with, no James to reprimand, no Sirius to laugh with.

Nobody to love.

\----------

Sirius screamed.

But it wasn’t enough.

It’s never enough anyway.

Sirius thought of Harry.

He is not really worried about his godson: he will be in a loving home, he trusts Dumbledore. But what’s so saddening is that Harry will never remember his father’s big smile and his loud bursts of laughter, or his mother’s green eyes, oh he shares the same, but he will never know anymore how they shone when she looked at him.

Then he thinks of Remus.

Remus and his amber eyes, his kisses that tasted like chocolate, his tall hands and arms that embraced him, his socks always messy. 

It’s not the big memories that are killing slowly Sirius.

It’s the little details. 

It’s how James’ hair never wanted to be done, how he snored late at night - it would always make Lily laugh - or how his voice would light up at his son’s appearance.

It’s how Lily folded her dresses, how she danced - always starting with her left feet - or how she inhaled the flowers’ perfume. 

It’s how Harry babbled then sought from his plump arms the ones of his mother or father, how he would be cheerful and his green eyes so big in front of Sirius or how he messed up his tiny clothes.

It’s how Remus bit his lips, how Remus turned his books' pages, how he crunched in his chocolate. 

But all of that, the dementors take it all away, and Sirius doesn’t remember what looked like James’ glasses, or Harry’s burbles, or Lily’s singing voice or Remus who would hold his hand after an awful nightmare.

No, Sirius doesn’t remember anything. 

So, for years, months, years - he doesn’t know, not anymore - he is writing on himself some runes, and he doesn’t know if they’re real or not.

Then, one day, he hears the rumours.

Harry.

Peter.

Peter, this bloody traitor.

Sirius has always been angrily impulsive, but what takes him on the guts right now, it’s the brutal rage.

So Sirius disappears.

\-----------

When Sirius comes back, Remus doesn’t.

Too many thoughts in his head.

But Sirius, Sirius, Sirius, his name haunts him like if he were a ghost from the past. A bit like that, in a way, but Sirius still comes back, with a strength that breaks all the barriers in Remus’ heart. What’s left is speechless and breathless, and Remus can just look at Sirius. Sirius who has changed so much, he is not the kid with hopeful stars in his eyes, but he still has this rebellious and untameable fury in his shaking soul. 

Sirius and Remus help Harry, who looks so much like both James and Lily. 

Then, once back at Grimmauld Place, Sirius doesn’t come back.

Remus only sees him rarely, and when he does, it’s in his dog’s form, but a stray, left out, broken dog. 

But Remus waits, he is patient until Sirius takes back his human appearance. They are not really lovers, not after...everything, but they are still something.

Remus does his hair, and it breaks his heart because as a teenage boy, Sirius was taking care so much of his silky hair, and never let anyone touch it. 

But both of them have changed. Not really bloom, not when Remus’ eyes are so tired, he is just a bit more than thirty but he feels like being a thousand years, years of stifled melancholia and of bloody cries. And Sirius isn’t the star that brightly shines late at night, no, his star is almost dull and faded, but Remus still hopes, he hopes so much when he sees Sirius laughing with Harry as he would laugh with James. 

But.

His fragile hope hold between his too frail and too wrinkled hands is broken in hundreds of small pieces which Remus can’t take back, not when they flee everywhere in the whole universe and that Remus isn’t strong enough to keep pushing, doing, going. 

Remus knows Sirius is himself for the first time in years when Sirius vanishes, one last smile and one last joke. 

And Remis doesn’t shout out, doesn’t speak or whisper even, as he does every time.

Because Remus has already died too many times in his life.


End file.
